


Chokehold

by xantissa



Series: Carnival of Rust [34]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xantissa/pseuds/xantissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So you, what?” Jim asked, still bewildered, but now edging into angry too, as the shock started to wear off. “You decided to come back for a little meeting after having hightailed it out before?!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chokehold

**Author's Note:**

> As I warned before I will be posting short stories out of chronological order. Better this way than nothing, right?

He made it a point of honor not to hesitate while walking the glass corridors of the San Francisco headquarters. He might get arrested at the end of this walk, but damned if he would let anybody say James T. Kirk had to be dragged anywhere. He only wished he could convince Spock to pretend everything was Kirk’s fault. Instead the stubborn bastard was walking half a step behind him, offering quiet support in what Kirk strongly suspected was their final walk as Starfleet Officers and free men.

They waited for the lift in a tense silence, having already argued the matter to death.

The 37th floor was where their doom awaited, and as Jim stared at the numbers flashing up so quickly on the small digital display, he couldn’t help but hope for somebody to press the lower numbers and at least slow them a bit.

When, on number 19, the lift slowed down and the door dinged open, Jim exhaled, quelling a hysteric giggle. Maybe his wishes were coming true and next Khan would step into the lift, successfully averting the dishonorable discharge awaiting him above.

The door slid slowly open but Jim wasn’t really paying attention, more focused on his impending doom. It was Mr. Spock’s suddenly-indrawn breath that alerted him into raising his eyes.

It _was_ Khan.

Standing there, cold as stone, dressed in an ankle-length black coat with a high collar. His ice-grey eyes were steady as he stepped into the carriage and let the door slide closed behind him. The bond was shut down tight, not even a flicker of presence to be felt.

“Khan…” Jim had no idea what to say. Where were you? What have you been doing? What are you planning? “Why are you here?” He managed finally, bewildered and off-balance.

“As I understood it, you appearing at this evaluation without me would end in severe consequences, yes?”

If he meant immediate imprisonment and/or execution he was damn well right. Not to mention the world-wide manhunt for Khan that would start as soon as Starfleet realized Jim had no idea where the Augment was or had any real control over the man.

“So you, what?” Jim asked, still bewildered, but now edging into angry too as the shock started to wear off. “You decided to come back for a little meeting after having hightailed it out before?!”

Khan was regarding him with those infuriatingly cold eyes, as if Jim was nothing but a stranger, as if they hadn’t shared a bed for months. As if Jim hadn’t held him when the man had broken into pieces, crying over his wife’s death.

It stung, even worse than waking up to a ship suddenly empty of every single Augment.

“You are now inside a heavily protected Starfleet building,” Spock said suddenly, having stayed quiet till now. “What makes you think we will not alert Security and keep you here by force?”

Khan cast a quick look at the numbers on the floor display.

“Because I have a team of snipers with weapons of my own design stationed outside this building, and should I not emerge free at a scheduled time, they will cause destruction on a level I guarantee you do not want to see.”

Jim stared at the hard profile of the man he’d touched in every possible way, the man who’d touched him in those same ways. The fluorescent light cast odd shadows on the prominent cheekbones, making Khan look even paler than before.

It was so hard, to stand so close to the man. Jim could smell the faint scent of his cologne, almost feel the heat his body generated in excess. His presence hit Jim like a punch in the gut, making the familiar fire gather in his chest, the confused but unyielding _want_ bloom inside him with no regard to how much of a bastard the man was. 

Jim, for a brief moment, couldn’t even imagine wanting someone else this way. Couldn’t even fathom being this tired, this vulnerable with anybody else again. He was sure that he had had his eyes wide open when entering a relationship with Khan, that he knew what he was getting into. Jim couldn’t quite forgive himself for falling so deep, so hard for a man that didn’t care. For a man that was perfectly capable of throwing away so easily everything that Jim had offered. It was as if everything Jim thought had been between them - those unexpected moments of vulnerability - was nothing but an illusion. It was as if Khan had Jim in a chokehold from which Jim didn’t know how to free himself. Sometimes he wondered if he truly wanted to be free of it, and that maddened him even more.

Khan was so different than the half-mad terrorist Jim had met for the first time, the angry and bitter viciously manipulating man he’d dealt with in prison, or the secretive but cautiously welcoming lover. 

Khan looked powerful now. Powerful and cold, perfectly groomed, not a hair out of place, looking at Jim and Spock without any discernible emotion, and projecting the kind of self-assurance that made it hard to doubt his words. Khan believed, truly believed in what he was saying, in the power he wielded. Jim wanted to call it a bluff, to say that the man wouldn’t attack a building full of innocent people, but _knew better_ than to call Khan on his decisions. The Augment was driven in a cold, calculated way that frankly terrified Jim. Khan knew what was good and what was wrong, but he consciously chose to carry the guilt of his decision in favor of moving his plan along. It drove Jim mad that even after more than a year, he was no closer to figuring out just what the plan was, what was worth sacrificing so many lives - human and augment alike - for? It terrified him, the scale of which Khan planned. Not for years or hundreds of people, that Jim could deal with. No, Khan’s plans spanned hundreds of years, a scale so far-sighted, so fantastical, Jim couldn’t even glimpse of the shape of his plans.

“You haven’t changed at all, have you, Khan?” Jim asked bitterly, feeling the urge to tear into him, to make him bleed for all the confusion, all the pain he’d left in his wake.

As the lift dinged, signalling their arrival, and the door started sliding open, Khan said so softly, Jim barely heard him:

“No. I have changed too much.”

In the end, Jim let Khan leave. He’d seen how much damage a single Augment could do with just the weapon of opportunity. A whole team of them, probably heavily armed, didn’t bear thinking about. Jim watched Khan walk over to the helipad, coat flapping behind him like the wings of a great bird, and couldn’t stop himself from feeling a deep sense of hurt. At what exactly, he couldn’t pinpoint. Khan reached a small craft with a pilot who looked suspiciously like Scarlett, and embarked. They were gone in moments. 

Khan never once looked back.

Spock’s hand on his shoulder was an unexpected comfort.

Jim finally let his first officer lead him to their own transport, feeling like the worst kind of idiot for having believed Khan had ever felt anything for him.


End file.
